Me: MY Iris.
Iris (6): No!
Me: MY Iris!
Iris: No!
Me: Well, whose then?
Iris: My mom’s!
Me: Why can’t you be mine?
Iris: You is not married!
Me: If I GET married, will you be mine?
[Iris thinks for awhile.]
Iris: No.
Me: You like me today, I let you sing Christmas carols.
Isabel (6): [smirks] Just today.
James (7) (to Will): Tomato Teacher! (The room was a bit overheated.)
Me: So that’s more poetry! Poetry helps you describe ideas, it uses different ways of saying things so that the reader will feel different things, and my shirt is on backwards. Oh dear. Look at that, there’s the tag. I’ve been wearing it like that all day. Oh dear...
Jessica (12): Teacher, you are cute.
Ann (7): Teacher, see! My cat!
[Shows me pictures on her phone.]
Me: Oh, it’s so cute! Can I have it?
Ann: [laughs] No.
Me: Why not?
Ann: Cat is... cat is... [slides hand across throat] Cat is die.
Speaking Tests
Me: What kind of books do you like to read and why?
Diana (9): I like to read thick books, because books are usually boring in the beginning and interesting in the middle.
Chelsea Teacher: Why don’t people live in the desert?
Paul (10): Strawberries!
Will: Do you have any friends you don’t like?
Student (10 or 11): Yes.
Will: Why don’t you like them?
Student: Mind control.
Me: What is the hardest thing about learning English?
Diana: The hardest thing you learn in English is that you have homework.
Me: What do you want to do if you go to America?
Lisa (12): I want to see Liberty of a Statue.
Things My Kindergarteners Half Believe
Will is Spider-Man
I am a vampire who eats homework
I have killed 5 zombies
I have a baby dinosaur in my stomach
My Kindergarteners Ideas on How to Save Endangered Animals
- Kill all the hunters
- Put all the animals in Wonderland
- Not eat meat or plants, only rice (So the animals can eat all the plants)
- Turn all pandas into Kung Fu pandas so they can fight hunters
Little Innocents
Will is teaching his 4-year-olds the sounds the letters make and getting them to say words that start with the letter.
Will: ‘F!’
Leo: Fuh... fuh... fire!
Tommy: Fuh... fuh... f@#*!
Will: Uh... fog? Very good!
Tommy: No, f@#*!
Will: ...Fog! Very good!
Will: ‘B!’
Tommy: Buh... bollock!
Will: Huh?
Tommy: Bollocks!
My kindergarteners were learning phrases you say or hear in the doctor’s office, and one of them was, “Take off your pants” (for a flu shot), and the CD had the whole class saying, “Take off your pants!” After the CD finished, Isabel turned to her cuddly “boyfriend” Jorden and said, “Take off your pants!” At which point, I said, “OKAY, turn the page!!!”
Jorden (6): Teacher, you are foxy!
Me (a la Princess Bride): I do not think that means what you think it means.
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